Can I Date During an Ongoing Divorce?

The dissolution of a marriage often comes with feelings of heartbreak and loneliness. Worse, divorce proceedings can drag on for what feels like ages, putting your whole life on pause while you deal with issues in court. If you are going through a divorce, you may begin to wonder if it will be okay to start dating again before the process is finalized.

The short answer is yes, you can start dating whenever you are ready, since there is no law preventing your from doing so. However, there is a difference between what is technically legal and what is advisable. Although Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, introducing another partner to the mix during an ongoing divorce can complicate issues related to alimony payments, child custody, and the division of assets. If you are thinking about starting to date before your divorce is finalized, you should know the risks.

Understanding What “No-Fault” Divorce Means

Illinois is a no-fault divorce state. This means that any and all blame for the failure of the marriage can be shifted to “irreconcilable differences” without having to justify the reason for a divorce in court. Thus, one partner cannot be punished for the collapse of their relationship. A person cannot receive an unequal division of property or be required to make higher alimony payments because they were responsible for the end of their marriage. 

However, dating during a divorce could lead to legal complications. You could be accused of dissipation of marital assets, which could affect the way your property will be divided during the divorce process. The lines between personal assets and marital assets can become murky during a marriage, and dividing up marital assets is a crucial part of the divorce process. If you spend money on a new partner during your divorce, your spouse could argue that you are misusing marital funds, and this could make the division or property more complicated.

There are different types of purchases or expenditures that could open you up to a dissipation claim, including, but not limited to:

• Meals at restaurants
• Any kind of gift (jewelry, clothing, etc.)
• Hotel/motel rooms

To avoid disputes about your spending while you are dating, you will want to make sure you have separated your finances from your spouse. It is a good idea to take steps to avoid any expenditures that could be seen as suspicious, as well as any activities that could be considered during your divorce. For example, if you are claiming that you do not have the financial resources to pay spousal support, evidence that you took a vacation with a new partner may call your claims into question.

Divorce-Related Conflict

Dating during a divorce can create an antagonistic relationship with your ex, turning what could have been civil and amicable negotiations into hostile conflicts. This could result in you having to fight harder in negotiations if your ex is feeling irate with your actions. A contested divorce in Illinois can take anywhere from several months to over a year to resolve, but if no resolution can be reached outside of court, the case could drag on for a long period of time and result in very high legal fees. 

An uncontested divorce is usually preferable. By negotiating a settlement with your spouse, you may be able to resolve your divorce in a matter of months, with little if any time in the courtroom. You will want to consider how your choice to begin dating may affect your ability to cooperate with your spouse and resolve the outstanding issues in your divorce.

Alimony Complications

Your relationship with a new partner in the midst of a divorce could hurt your chances of receiving alimony payments. In an Illinois divorce, the lesser-earning spouse may be awarded spousal support (alimony) to ensure that they will be able to meet their financial needs and maintain their standard of living. If you served in a stay-at-home role during your marriage, you may qualify for spousal support. However, if you begin dating and move in with a new partner while your divorce is still pending, you will most likely be ineligible for spousal support. 

The inability to receive spousal support can be particularly devastating if you were married for many years before splitting up. Alimony payments will typically be paid for a percentage of the length of the marriage. If you were married for less than five years, you would receive alimony for 20 percent of the length of your marriage. If you were married for 12 years, spousal support will lasts for more than half of the time you were married. If your marriage lasted 20 years or more before your divorce, you could be eligible for indefinite spousal support. Foregoing alimony in favor of a new relationship could cause you to lose out on essential financial support that could have lasted for multiple years.

Child Custody

When determining how parents will share parental responsibilities and how much time the child will spend with each parent, Illinois courts will consider the child’s best interests. A divorce can be a high-stress situation for a child, and introducing a new partner while tensions are still running high might could lead to increased conflict or other emotional concerns. When taking steps to ensure that a child will be able to live in a stable situation while avoiding conflict, the court may take any new relationships into account.

It is important to remember that you are entitled to reasonable parenting time with your child, even if they will be living primarily with the other parent. However, if there are concerns that your new partner may create an unstable or hostile environment for the child due to issues such as a criminal history, a drug habit, or high levels of conflict, the court may place restrictions on your parenting time. Waiting until the dust has settled on your divorce before pursuing another relationship can help keep things calm and avoid issues that may affect your parental rights.

Contact a Chicago Divorce Attorney

While it is not prohibited by law, dating during a divorce can lead to complications that could affect the outcome of your case. A skilled Chicago, IL divorce lawyer can advise you on the best steps to take to protect yourself while also providing you with representation to help you resolve legal issues effectively. By securing legal representation, you can make sure you are taking the best steps to resolve concerns related to the division of marital assets, spousal support, child custody, and any other issues that may arise during your divorce.